procrastinates why is it that people
that are so self-motivated often
self-sabotage and why is it that no
matter how many new business
opportunities we get or new skills we
try to learn many of us just are simply
finding different ways of earning the
same amount of money or achieving the
same kind of level of success as if
there was kind of a glass ceiling above
our head that we're trying to break
through but didn't know how now one
thing we do know is that's not down the
lack of resources or opportunity we live
in a time in history where there are
more resources and opportunity than ever
before in fact there's many people that
have access to resources an opportunity
that really never get the battle to
shoulder and take a swing at life and
the results are mediocre or
disappointing and then there's other
people those who have access to
virtually no resources or no opportunity
and against all of the odds went out and
created magic for the rest of us to go
WOW and stand in or off people like
Colonel Sanders who retired broke at 65
before starting KFC obviously Oprah
people like Helen Keller or even Albert
Einstein who dropped out of school at 15
and then failed the entrance exam for
the Zurich Polytechnic no you see if you
want to masterclass in taking away the
excuse that resources and opportunity
are the root reason why you are not
successful go study any of the lives of
the people on screen we see as human
beings a nervous system is hardwired for
comfort whereas the essence of what
makes us us some would say our soul is
hardwired for growth and it's managing
that dynamic tension between how good a
comfort zone feels and the innate
calling of our potential that lies
outside of that that causes the
frustration for most people and keeps
them on that hamster wheel of mediocrity
so how do we unravel that well let's
look at the human brain see what
separates us from almost all of the
animal kingdom the crowning achievement
of human biology is the front part of
the brain once known as the neocortex of
the frontal lobe and that neocortex
operates at a brave way a brain wave
length of alpha or beta on one of the
challenges is
that that doesn't get turned on until
we're about seven years old
see kids operate in Belser and theatres
which is why babies sleep so much my
kids live in that magical fantasy world
where they're operating a theater with
no critical thinking now it also means
children are very impressionable and why
Aristotle is widely quoted as saying
that give me the child for seven years
and I'll give you the man but what
happens when we drill down on that why
is that important to why we
procrastinate or self-sabotage well I'll
give you an example let's say his dad's
turn to take little Johnny shopping and
the kids and you know mom's busy that
day and he's kind of frustrated he's got
to go out and get the job done and yeah
one thing you need to know about dad
he's got his own stuff to deal with
right now he's figuring out how to pay
the credit card bill that was higher
this month than he thought
he's worried about whether the boss is
going to be downsizing soon and he's
still reeling from the lack of intimacy
that morning caused by a fight that he
had with his wife he's dealing with the
stuff as we all do now little Johnny
doesn't live in that world and so when
they get to the checkout now as every
good retail psychologist knows they
place the products at the eye height of
the people you're trying to sell to and
so Johnny sees the toys and Johnny wants
the toy he's like daddy daddy can I have
a toy and daddy comes out of his you
know mine frog and says no you can't
have a toy for starting doesn't think
you can afford it but that's now it's
just not the time but as parents will
understand children are prime examples
of the ability to be persistent
are they not so little joyousness daddy
daddy I want a toy please can I have a
toy see little Johnny doesn't live in a
world of credit-card debt and in his
frustration on dealing with his stuff
and trying to handle the kids and all
the other stuff daddy's snaps out and
says listen you can't have a toy you
don't deserve it you're not good enough
not being you're not behaved enough
today and daddy thinks that'll just keep
him quiet while he goes back to dealing
with his you know big world problems but
what's happening right now is quite
significant you see little Johnny
doesn't hear
that's frustration all Johnny hears is
that I'm not good enough I'm not worth
it and I'm undeserving and probably
spends a large
the rest of his life unconsciously
acting out that behavior to justify why
he's right including self sabotaging if
the threat of success comes along to
challenge that in a model of the world
you see when it comes to being able to
work with psychology and after thousands
of hours of working with people all over
the world I've come to know that the
undisputed first law in
psychotherapeutic intervention in other
areas the undisputed first law of
personal growth is this that people will
never rise above the opinion of
themselves now one of the challenge is
that opinion is largely formed in our
childhood years sub 7 from the
perception of where we think we did or
didn't get love from the people we most
wanted it from hmm I usually let people
sit with that one for a while it also
mirrors the first law of relationships
which I firmly believe states that no
one can never love us more than we love
ourselves now one of the other
challenges on that is that we are also
creatures of habit now what does that
mean that means that that prefrontal
cortex
now that neocortex that frontal lobe
that serves all of that executive
decision-making is prime real estate in
fact the brain waves 150th of the
bodyweight but takes up 20% of all of
the calories so when it comes to using
that frontal lobe evolution has some
shortcuts it says well clearly you're
using intelligence to make the decision
so it should be a good decision so when
you choose the fries instead of the
salad it doesn't care it's job is to
adapt and if you make that decision over
and over again then rather than take up
critical thinking which is meant to
serve you intelligently it hands it over
to the midbrain and it becomes an
unconscious behavior or pattern or what
we also call a habit see now you order
the fries just because it's what you do
you don't even question it now that can
be very useful when it comes to learning
yeah or not learning how to have to walk
every day but it also said
some challenges you see we suddenly
arrive at work on our day off we don't
know why or you know we suddenly get
home and realized where did the last two
kilometres or two miles of driving go
Wow how did I avoid all of the crazies
good old midbrain at work but the deeper
challenge to that as creatures of habit
is the fact that we're using our
conscious brain only a small amount of
the time that critical decision-making
the rest of the time like 95% of the
time is what I call people sleeping
awake if I'll give you an analogy why do
you imagine that the conscious mind is
an ant here he is cute little fella
answer industrious they're hard-working
they're determined they're gonna get the
job done this is your conscious mind in
fact this particular ant went to a
person development seminar last week he
set his goals and he's marching north
confidently in the direction of his
achievements the problem is he's
marching over the back of an elephant
that's heading south unconscious mind
with all of our limiting patterns
limiting beliefs on all of the other
unresolved self issues that go on there
we start to see why we self-sabotage see
how do you get that elephant moving in
the right direction well let me give you
another example another analogy the mind
is like a compass needle in fact it can
only point in one direction at a time
but when we're operating from our aunt's
that five percent of the time where
we're conscious and using free will we
can grab that compass needle we can
point it anywhere that's what freewill
allows us to do if we're feeling down we
can go choose to watch a comedy or call
a friend who can cheer us up if we're
feeling low on energy we can go put the
kettle on and make ourselves a coffee or
a drink but 95% of the time we're not
doing that and as soon as we let a hand
off of that compass needle consciously
it will always drift back to its default
magnetic north which unfortunately for
most people is more negative than
positive seem and that leads us to our
third challenge and that is something
you may want to really tattoo on the
inside of your eyelids
and that is that environment Trump's
will what do I mean by that I mean the
our intention will always be beaten by
our environment over time for example
let's say that yeah you're a music fan
but you don't like jazz yeah it's for
the other people you're kind of a
country-and-western kind of guy or girl
and you listen to Country and Western in
the car going to work but your car's
broken down this week so your good
neighbor around the corner that works at
the same place has offered to give you a
lift so you're going to share the
45-minute drive to work and back for the
next five days but they listen to jazz
now I don't care what you think
consciously within three days I know
what's going to happen within three days
in the car you're tapping your feet to
the beat within five days you're humming
it in the shower you see we don't get to
choose whether or not we get programmed
with programmable by design we can only
choose how we want to be programmed
another way of saying that is you can
have all of the intention to be as warm
and hot as you like you can raise your
body temperature you can like put on
some big clothes but if you choose to
live in a freezer the environment is
gonna win over time in other words you
can read all of the positive
affirmations you can stand in front of
the mirror and say that you believe in
yourself but if you live with somebody
who is constantly pulling you down
somebody who is reminding you of why
you're not good enough and why it won't
work at some point you're gonna start to
believe it there's the law of conformity
if you hang out with nine recreational
drug users I've got news for you you're
most likely going to become the tenth if
you hang out with nine positive people
that look at life through the lens of
how we can why we can't to hold up a
mirror for each other's greatness to be
midwives to each other's dreams instead
of stealing them you're likely going to
become the tenth or you'll leave the
environment
it's the ninety five percent law of the
law of conformity so how do we change
that well there's three tips that I want
to share with you that will help turn
this around you know and I'm pretty
simple guy so I want to give you some
pretty simple tips
and I'm breaking into three things the
first is stop putting the wrong things
in you see as I said we are adapting
machines our bodies our physical bodies
adapt to our environment we don't get to
choose that we only get to choose the
environment we put them in if it's the
gym or McDonald's the body doesn't care
is job is to adapt but it's the same
with our mind so stop putting the wrong
programming in in other words if you
think of the two biggest things that
impact us unconsciously more than
anything else it's the mainstream media
and our peer group of who we hang with
let's touch all the media for a second
now for those of you that still think
that the mainstream media is about
reporting the news I Got News for you
you're in Disneyland see the job of the
media is not to report the news you're
kidding me
the job of the mainstream media is to
stimulate another part of the brain
called the amygdala which is designed
evolutionarily to notice negative before
positive so that they can hook your
attention out of the mass of the crowd
and record you as a viewing statistic to
justify rate cards and advertising the
media is not a charity so I haven't
watched a news report or read a
newspaper for pretty much seventeen
years now yeah
for those of you that still watch things
like visit CNN constant negative news
mm-hmm I've got news for you all right
from what I understand it's all the same
news it's the same news it was 17 years
ago it's just happening to different
people and so you cannot watch the news
and be positive it's like saying I want
to be healthy and I smoke just doesn't
work you can go to the gym as many times
as you want but if you're smoking you
can't be healthy it's a binary equation
and if you're being programmed by the
mainstream media you can't have that
default magnetic north move away from
being negative is constant programming
people say well how do you know what's
going on in the world not you kidding me
yeah everything's going on in the world
a far better question would be what do
you want to choose to focus on think of
the Amazon rainforest at night yeah
everything's going on but the media want
to take your little flashlight in your
hand and point is that oh my goodness
look at this it's a snake eating a rat
versus you saying yeah but
have a look at this hummingbird being
born it's it's a choice so I have no
clue what's going on in the world I have
every clue what's going on in my world
and if something's important enough
it'll find me so stop programming
yourself with why the world won't work
and start taking charge of where you
point your flashlight now the other
thing is about peer group now some
people say yeah I could probably change
my friends and some of us maybe should
but I can't change my family yeah my
brother is the most negative person I
know my mother-in-law's always telling
me I'm not good enough for her son or
whatever it may be well I know that we
can't change our family and you know
looking at the reasons why you chose
your parents is a another TED talk but
the best advice I can give is love your
family choose your friends now the
second thing start putting the right
things in now we live in a time in
society where there's so much great
information whether it's a podcast
whether it's inspirational interviews
whether it's you know books or the lives
of some of the people we looked at
earlier every single day or at least
every single week if you want to take
your compass needle and start remag
Nitai zhing it in a positive direction
by exposing yourself to the kind of
information that supports your potential
and your greatness on where you want to
go now there's no excuse for not being
able to do that now in a society where
it's so available but if you're not
choosing to do that by default you're
going to be hooked into somebody else's
agenda and if you don't start filming as
the star of the movie in your life by
default you're going to end up as a film
extra in somebody else's and then the
third point get the things that
shouldn't be in there out what do I mean
by that you know work with a decent
mentor or a coach that understands how
to navigate the minefield of human
behavior somebody that isn't just going
to teach you skills but somebody that
can reach in and find those unconscious
patterns and be able to rip them out for
good I'll give you an example I had a
client come to me a while back who said
I want to learn time management now a
normal coach or what-have-you would
probably teach them some good time
management skills but within two minutes
it was easy to see that time management
wasn't the issue the real issue was his
inability to deal with rejection and
therefore he was saying yeah he wasn't
saying no to people because by saying no
it would trigger a rejection response
and therefore he was saying yes to too
many things and therefore there was too
much on his calendar and therefore he
thought he needed time management you
get the idea
you see when we're able to start
addressing things like our unconscious
programming when we start to create the
best habits that we can by programming
ourselves consciously when we start
grabbing that compass needle and
bringing it over to the right direction
so that the 95 percent of the time was
sleeping awake we're able to be who we
need to be that's when we can start to
achieve the real game in town which is
self mastery see before you spend
another penny on workshops or skills or
anything work on yourself
see mastering the game of self
throughout human history has been the
number one recommendation of virtually
everybody that achieved it and then
preached the benefits of it to people
that usually weren't listening but by
mastering our sense of self we're able
to walk into a room where everything's
descending into chaos and retain our
Center when everything's breaking down
around us with the eye of the storm it's
like move I'll handle it
see that's the best way that you'll be
able to handle uncertainty and when we
commit to self mastery we give ourselves
the best shot of becoming the best and
greatest versions of ourself that we can
be and then we get to become the example
and the invitation to others not the
imposition nobody changes because you
tell them to people change because
they're inspired to change and we can
only inspire them by being the example
and the invitation and at that point we
have a chance of being able to really
make a change in this world make a
difference which is what the world needs
right now and ultimately be the
embodiment of what Gandhi said which was
to be the change you wish to see in the
world thank you God
you
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